THE CHANGES IN ME

Like they say, nothing stays the same. Everything changes with time, like it or not.

Take our physical features for instance. Some age faster and some slower, but age we must.

First to go is the colour of our hair. First there was none or a few. Then there was there, all thick, black and shiny. The minute we reach 40 (many even younger) grey hairs sprout here and there, first on the head and later on other types of hair like the eyebrows, moustaches, nostrils, beards, chest hair and even the hair there.

Then the eyesight. I remember it was in the States that I first realized that I needed a reading glass. Dr Bounous first noticed it. Seeing that I needed to move my reading materials away from my eyes to read, she immediately yelled out,' Azahar, please get a reading glass!"

The incident that finally made me go out and buy one was in the bacteriology lab. I had to put the glass cover slips into the staining rack. I could not put the cover slips individually in the rack!

After eyesight came the physical well-being. Then waking up in the morning was as simple as ABC, nothing much to it. But now, the aches, the pains and the soreness in the muscles and joints all make early morning waking up a real torture. I dread them very much, these waking ups!

Then the strength. I always think that I am still a strong twenty plus man whenever I do things. Whenever I play badminton or even tennis, I would run all over the court, fetching almost all drop-shots. Many a times I am able to retrieve most of them, but the issue is what happen to me after the game?

Knees get swollen and will not subside weeks after the game. Syazwan always reminds me that I am no more a young man whenever I overstressed and overstretched myself.

Saturday gardening is another chore that I tend to overtaxed myself. Once I fell down a tree and removed the branches all by myself, heaving and sweating profuserly in the process of course.

Once I even tried to carry my dad into the bathroom. You know what happened then? I was breathing very hard and my heart beat furiously as I carried my dad's limb body. Luckily Syazwan was quick to help; if not I might have a heart attack!

After strength came my mood. It is also changing dramatically of late. I don't know why, but it is getting more difficult to control my feeling and temper.

Mood swings are happening more regularly now. Small wife naggings that are nothing before can become something that hurt my feeling. Tempers can flare relatively easy. All of a sudden, I become quiet...that's my way of preventing my temper to flare up into a full-blown madness.

Even I am surprised to see this change in me. What more my wife. Is this what they called andropause (the male version of menopause). If the decreasing level of testosterone is the culprit, but why the facial and other body hairs, they are still growing like no other people's business.

I think it is all in my mind. Everyday complaining of lack of staffs, too much works and the daily commutings have all added up to the mood swings.
Well, after my retirement, do not hope that I will be a coach potato day in and day out.

That will definitely kill me. I will of course continue working, at my own pace, doing whatever I like with less unnecessary stress and pressure.

Can I do it? To Allah I pray that I will continue living usefully, will be able to walk, have my mind intact and be free from all serious illness till my last breath.